


Shaken, Not Stirred

by milkyfrankie



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor Being a Jerk (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust Being Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Husk is So Done (Hazbin Hotel), Jealous Stinky Deer Man, bartending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26717440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkyfrankie/pseuds/milkyfrankie
Summary: Alastor is the master of everything he can think of... everything except bartending.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Shaken, Not Stirred

**Author's Note:**

  * For [travisTea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/travisTea/gifts).



> Oneshot based of an art piece suggested on my twitter. If you want a oneshot dedicated to you, go to my twitter @milkyfrankie and comment any art piece on my recent post, I’ll let you know what can be done!

Alastor was a man of many things, and if you were to ask the narcissist, he would give an endless listen of positive traits. Some of which, he would be stretching the truth quite a bit with, but who would ever call out The Radio Demon for it? Absolutely no one, not even the princess, Charlie.

The red headed being could pretty much do anything. He could sing, he could dance, he could cook up the best damn feast bigger than any Thanksgiving meal. Wanna learn to skin another being with nothing but a bottle of alcohol and some floss? Alastor is the guy you’re looking for the lesson. Maybe you might fancy some tips on how to reject a certain spider’s advances, Al can teach you that seeing how he is a professional at it!

Anything you can think of, The Radio Demon is an (more or less self-proclaimed) expert at it.

Well…  _ almost  _ anything is what he’s come to learn recently.

What could there possibly be that the great Alastor doesn’t know how to do? How could such an activity exist if the master doesn’t know it? Has hell frozen over?  _ What could it be _ ?!

Bartending.

Yes, you heard it here folk, the strawberry pimp of the hotel doesn’t know how to mix drinks. This over-eccentric, flamboyant, and wide-smiled man couldn’t make you an alcoholic beverage if you asked him to.

The thought of being so inexperienced in the activity damn near makes the man scowl. He felt a sort of bitter jealousy towards his feline friend, Husker, whenever he sees the cat toss around a cocktail shaker between his thin claws with such ease. Had Alastor tried to do it, either the shaker would slip from his hand embarrassingly or it would spill all over himself somehow. Don’t ask  _ him _ how, he just had a feeling.

Of course Husker had years of experience with this, so many days to learn what nearly every drink in the book was and how to make it, an extensive knowledge Alastor wished to claim.

If you asked for an Amaretto Sour, Husk would have the drink ready for you within seconds while Alastor would be looking at you as if you had placed a curse on him.

Clover Club? Husk 1, Al 0.

Black Russian? Husk 2, Al -1.

Planter’s Punch? Sangria? Rusty Nail? A flipping Ramos Fizz which came from the same place Alastor was from? Might as well allowed Husker to win this game long ago!

The idea that there was someone there who was better than him at something made his teeth grind against each other hard. He was so close to frowing, he couldn’t help it. As bratty as it was, he didn’t care. A million and one thoughts passed through his mind about it, some of which involved just throwing the feline into some endless pit of fire somewhere to just take of the idea that bothered him so much. But even Alastor knew that getting rid of his friend wouldn’t help, he’d still be as clueless as a newborn about bartending in the end.

As Alastor sat at the hotel bar next to Angle Dust as he flirted with Husk, he couldn’t help but turn sour as he watched the cat effortlessly toss the cocktail shaker around. His anger being pushed bit by bit with every trick that was made with the object.

The Radio Demon gripped his glass of a simple rum, nearly breaking it. Small noises reaching the ears of the other two as the leather of his gloves dragged roughly against the smooth surface of his cup.

Angel turned to him with a brow raised, he saw the man’s smile slightly dip at a corner of it. It made him feel a bit unsure but he felt somewhat concerned at Alastor, who hardly showed any other emotion besides what he called happiness.

Husker just shrugged at the two before turning around and pouring a clear liquid in a tall glass with a handful of ice.

“Uh, ya ok Smiles?” Angel Dust asked carefully, twiddling with his fingers as he swiveled the chair around to face the man in question.

Alastor immediately snapped out of his angered daze and looked at the spider with a wide grin. He nodded his head as he placed the glass onto the bartop. He refused to show any other emotion besides forced positivity but as much as he tried, he had been doing a shit job at it.

“Of course, Angel!” Alastor twirled his microphone in his hand for a moment to somewhat distract the other being from his face, “Why ask?”

“Well mostly ‘cause ya were starin’ at Husk like he stole yo mama’s billion dollar diamond ring and called ya a bitch,” Angel slightly chuckled at his ridiculous example but did his best to stay serious as he was still slightly concerned with the man’s behavior. Seeing anything but the creepy yet genuine smile be replaced with a forced and cold one was more fearful than the threats Al gave.

“Why that is ludicrous! I know for a fact Husker would never steal my mother’s jewelry and call me a female dog!”

“Yea, no shit. It was an example.”

“A terrible one if so.”

“I know that, Smiles. But I mean it, ya ok?”

“And as I stated previously, of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“And as  _ I  _ said before, it’s cause ya look pissed off.”

“Actually, you said some poorly ridiculous example. You didn’t specifically say I was mad.”

“Ya fuckin’ smart ass-”

It was at this point where Husk had groaned loudly and turned around with a neatly made drink, shoving it into Angel’s hand before slamming a fist on the counter.

“For fuck’s sake, both of you shut up!” He hissed, bring up a hand and gripping his head as if he was in pain, except he was but rather annoyed greatly, “Angel, zip it. Alastor, what the hell is up your ass?”

Alastor recoiled and held a clawed hand to his chest in a dramatic fashion. He was still angered, but that doesn’t mean he wanted to talk about it with an over-sexualized spider and drunken cat… especially the drunken cat.

“How dare you ask me such a thing, I’ll have you know-”

“Shut it, you deer fuck. I’ve known you long enough to see when you’re bothered and it’s been written all over your face since you came to sit here. It’s pissing me off. The fuck is wrong with you?” Husk asked, crossing his arms with a scowl as he stared at the red haired man before him. Angel sipped on his drink quietly, watching the scene go down with great interest.

The hotel lobby was captured with a great silence, the tension was thick and hung in the air with great dread as Alastor found himself slightly panicking at Husk’s question. He doesn’t ever feel like this, He shouldn’t feel like this,  _ The Radio Demon should not feel like this! _

He could easily walk away or threatened the other two

to drop the subject, which was a temporary fix for the moment but upon looking deeper into it, doing either one would not help Alastor in the long run. He’d still feel incomplete and bitter towards Husker, he would still be jealous as well as bratty towards the fact he wouldn’t know how to be a bartender still.

It wasn’t an activity to  _ die _ for nor would it be important to him later on… it was just the fact he didn’t know how to do it is what killed his ego.

So sue him.

With a great reluctance, Alastor huffed through his teeth. His lips still turned up into a tight smile as his grip on the microphone tightened. It was now or never, neither which he liked.

“I… I must confess that I feel a bit of...  _ resentment _ , towards you at the moment,” Alastor stuttered, causing the other two to look at him as if he grew another head, “You are quite knowledged at making drinks and serving them, while I do not… it does bother me in some sort of way, a way which I am not exactly proud of.”

Husk stared at Alastor with a face that read an imense confusion while Angel began to choke on his drink from us the Radio Demon’s confession. Words of admitted jealousy was NOT something he expected to ever hear from him. It was like seeing Charlie being mean or Vaggie being nice. Concepts that he was curious of but never thought he was live to see.

Alastor being openly petty towards Husker was one he had never thought of.

After a few moments, the spider decided to break the silence “... So what? Ya jealous of Husk being the bartender?”

“Not exactly. I couldn’t care less of him being the hotel’s bartender, but rather more towards him skills at being one.”

With being so quiet, Husk sighed heavily as he dropped his arms to his sides. He looked at the man with a tried expression and shook his head. He couldn’t ab annoyed because he quite enjoyed seeing Alastor struggle. Then again, he couldn’t enjoy that if said demon was being a royal pain the ass about it.

The feline knew him well enough to already guess that as long as Alastor still felt dickish about being underskilled with bartending,  _ he  _ would be the one to suffer the deer’s wrath. That ain’t how he planned to spend the rest of his eternity.

“Listen freakster, I’m gonna ask you a question and you’re gonna answer honestly. No buts, no rebuttals, no being a prissy bitch. Got it?”

Great reluctance shown on Alastor’s face as his smile started to dip into an angered frown, he kept his mouth shut while he nodded.

“Do you wanna learn about drinks and how to make them?”

Surprised and somewhat feeling a bit degraded, the Radio Demon looked at Husk with furrowed brows. Angel gave him an endearing smile as he gave him a simple nod ever so supportingly, sipping on his drink while his head laid propped in his palm.

“You would do that for me, Husker?”

“If it would get you to calm the fuck down, yes. I would.”

Alastor stayed quiet for a moment, he looked at Angel before turning towards Husk and setting his microphone down. He slowly removed his burgundy suit jacket and folded it nicely onto the bar top before folding his sleeves up neatly. He stared directly at the cat, smiling softly, “Well then, let’s get started!”

It would be a slow yet eventful handful of hours later where Husk would be showing Alastor the basics of drinks and how to make them. Going through the popular ones such as a Tom Collins, a Bloody Mary, a Cosomopolitian, or a simple margarita.

Angel sat there watching with great interest as the deer attempted to make many drinks, some failed and some successful. He took whatever wasnt spilled onto the apron Husk gave to Alastor or the floor. He felt himself become tipsy towards the end but still was interested in the event before him unfold.

As the clock hit 12, Alastor shook the tin container in his hand for a few more seconds and poured the orange contents of it into a tall glass. Garnishing the top with a small slice of an orange.

“Annnndddd, that’s how how you make a Screwdriver. Just orange juice and vodka. Pretty easy,” Husk nodded tiredly as Alastor stared at the drink happily. He felt better, finally having the upper hand on everyone once more with the knowledge of drinks. He no longer felt a tinge of insuperiority, rather on top of the world as he should be.

“All feels complete again,” He said with a smile, laying a hand on the cat’s shoulder and rubbing his fur gently, “Thank you, Husker. You’ve been a great help.”

In that moment, a slightly drunken Angel Dust cheered as he stumbled from his seat. He pointed at Alastor and chuckled, “WOO! Now that just leaves ya with one more thing ya don’t know how to do!”

His throat constricting, Alastor felt his heart tighten as he looked at the spider with a bewildered look. He didn’t noticed Husk throw his paws in the air and stomp off, murmuring that it wasn’t any of his business.

“W-What could you possibly mean by that?!”

“That,” Angel hiccuped while walking towards the stairs to floor of his room, “Ya are inferior to me because ya don’t know how suck someone off while I am the masta at it. In ya face, strawberry pimp!”

With that, the spider disappeared from the lobby, leaving behind Alastor who ripped off his apron and plopped onto a bar stool. Crossing his arms as a familiar annoyance he felt for Husk not too long ago began to brew in his heart as he thought of Angel and his words.

_ ‘How dare he… I can learn. I can learn better than him!... stupid spider.’ _

**Author's Note:**

> This was based off a piece of bartender Alastor!


End file.
